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GAYS AND DOLLS

Gay men and straight women? What gives? Why do we get along? For me, the most obvious reason is that nobody parties like the oppressed, so it’s a no shit Sherlock why a lady might want to dance topless on a speaker without fear of being assaulted or judged, next to her gay friend who may or may not be anally probing another gentleman on the dance floor as they all are serenaded to the soothing sounds of Sylvester at a party called Big Fat Dick.  

Evolutionarily, women are all socialized to compete - conceivably for the Alpha male, but more so with each other. Vogue magazine is just a girlie magazine for girls. Have you ever heard a construction worker say, “Hey get a load of the BIRKIN on that one?” Not so much. And you don’t need a Ph.D. to see how gay men compete. I just want to tell all gay men of you that all of your abdominals are all, ALWAYS, HASHTAG ready for summer. Nightmare’s over! In addition to bonding through their mutual body dysmorphic disorder and shame that all of this competition breeds, gay men and straight women form a competition free oasis where they can freely shit and shame on others! WERK!

Add to that the fact that if you take away sexual attraction, what remains is the evolutionary urge of the gay man to love and protect women as they would their mothers, while women get to experience the meaning of true, almost fatherly chivalrousness - until that time of the night at the bar when your gay friend finds someone to fuck and deserts you.

Once, when I asked the brilliant photographer and filmmaker Austin Young how he had enjoyed a Cher concert, he said,

“Imagine if you hadn’t seen your Mom in a really long time, and then all of a sudden you saw her in a series of snapshots from the past with her wearing the same outfit you remembered her wearing on each occasion. It was amazing, but then, all of a sudden it was too much. More like Chernobyl, so during Walking In Memphis I had to walk out to get some air.”

I once asked John Cantwell, AKA the infamous absurdist drag camp star Love Connie! what was behind his fixation with many of the blond 1970’s starlets he grew up with and figure so heavily in his work, John said from a young age, besides their beauty what he remembered being drawn to was an “innocence that needed protecting.” Growing up gay in Louisiana in the seventies, John’s innocence needed the same kind of protection. Connie needed Love, and he paid it forward.

And if this drive by, chaise lounge psychologist may take it one step further – if we consider the function gay men play in society as a whole, the older and more disposable women become to our straight, male- dominated society, the more fiercely gay men protect. In terms of celebrities, the less fuck-able iconic female stars become to the patriarchy, the more gay men love and protect them. It is, in my opinion, evo-fucking-lutionary and the same reason the universe made gay couples, to adopt all the unborn children that Right Wing Extremist Christians want to save.. right up until they are born.

As I mention in an earlier post, many people have asked me why I play for the Gays, which is so fucking annoying because obviously, it’s for the drugs – but seriously, I have not always been embraced by the straight male dominated powers that be, but my biggest breaks professionally have been because of gay men I’ve worked in television and film, toured all over the country and had my videos watched all over the world for absolutely no money because of The Gays.

So I just wanted to say it’s an honor to entertain anyone but I especially appreciate entertaining the Gays, and I promise to keep entertaining said Gays if they promise to love and protect me even after all my pussy hairs have turned grey, my ass is the size of Toledo and my face is stretched tighter than Joan Rivers.

This story was originally performed at Nadya Ginsburg’s live show “INSANE CLOWN PUSSY” at Casita Del Campo, June 7th 2016